The Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever
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Revision as of 13:48, 14 August 2009
> look Main Street [n, s, e, w, street] This is Main Street, on the east side of Losthaven. To the north is a stable, and southward is a tannery. There is an open iron gate to the east. The area is reasonably well-lit. You see a crystal flower. Above you is a rolling, cloudy night sky. The air is warm. You have to brace yourself against the strong wind. The moon is not visible. Obvious exits are north, south, east and west. > examine flower This is a flower made of crystal. The quality of its craftsmanship is exquisite. It looks less than a twentieth of a dimin across and about two dimins tall. > get flower You take the crystal flower with your right hand. > look at flower through lens You examine your crystal flower through your clear glass lens: This is a flower made of crystal. The quality of its craftsmanship is exquisite. It looks less than a twentieth of a dimin across and about two dimins tall. It weighs very little. You feel knowledge of the Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever drift into your mind like a long-forgotten memory. Your clear glass lens shatters into a fine dust. > inventory You are carrying the Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever and an open leather bag (total weight seven dekans). > examine flower This is a flower made of diamond. The quality of its craftsmanship is exquisite. You recognize it as the Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever, a work of art constructed by that famously goddess- besotted follower of Eris, Ultamon Zilch. It allegorically refers to the Panspermia, a Discordian origin story in which Eris creates all the peoples of the world by throwing great globs of sperm from the heavens (in the version of this story told to children, where Eris got the sperm is not mentioned; few other versions are so merciful). This divinely flung semen impregnates the ground, which gives birth to different races according to the local conditions: plains bringing forth humans, forests birthing elves, mountains engendering dwarves, and so on. This tale is noted among raconteurs for being almost infinitely adaptable to the purpose of crude ethnic slurs against whatever variety of folk the teller may be irritated with, bearing a long tradition of increasingly improbable disgusting circumstances made to account for the origin of the more obnoxious and disliked species of the world. The Flower itself, like some of Zilch's other creations, appears to have been enough liked by Eris that she imbued it with powerful divine energies, in this case energies of life. Reportedly, when the Flower is held, and *not* used directly to bash anything's head in, it will steadily heal the bearer, as well as intermittently blasting his enemies with fluxes of life energy literally too powerful for ordinary living beings to endure. It looks less than a twentieth of a dimin across and about two dimins tall. It weighs very little.