Pineal Gland

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Revision as of 21:34, 18 October 2023

Discordian Helpfile:

It is universally accepted, by all who accept it, that Eris
communicates with her followers through their pineal glands.
This would be entirely uncontroversial except that not all of
Eris' followers /have/ pineal glands; in fact, some of her 
most famous devotees are nyloc, who have no organs whatsoever.

There are five responses to this, all of which are heretical.
There is first the theory that such Discordians regularly 
consume the pineal glands of other sentient beings, and 
recieve their powers thereby.  This tends to be advanced by 
more paranoid Discordians who often wear rubber neck-protectors
in defense.

Second is the theory that Eris actually hides their pineal 
glands from them (and everyone else); in fact, they do have 
perfectly functional pineal glands, but Eris's power has 
disguised it from everyone.  *Why* she would do this for 
some races but not others is usually left unexplained, 
met with rolled eyes or arguments that are intended to 
address the less relevant *how* she might do it.

Third it the theory that they are actually faking it.  Such 
entities are not, adherents claim, actually Discordians at 
all -- they merely have developed an advanced system of 
chicanery that seems to exactly duplicate Discordian 
powers for all intents and purposes to onlookers.  But, 
there is hope to distinguish the fakes from the real things;
the Discordian Corporation Zurch-Ix manufactures and 
distributes highly advanced arrays that allow discerning 
Xoticians to establish the difference between real 
Discordians and their manufactured imitators.  Zurch-Ix, 
a well-known distributor of illumination, offers these 
arrays at-cost out of the goodness of their own hearts.
(Coincidentally, they also manufacture heart-detectors.)

The fourth theory, mentioned here mostly for completeness' 
sake, is that Eris communicates with her followers however 
She damn well pleases, and that the pineal gland is really 
more of a metaphor than anything else.  This is a boring 
and sensible theory, and likely manufactured by servants 
of Greyface.  Those espousing it are often excommunicated 
on the spot.

The fifth theory is a secret.  Those who inquire too 
deeply tend to be found face-down in harbors, 
blowing bubbles.

Organ:

   Organ Type: Pineal Gland

   Plural: Pineal Glands
   Features: Delicate

   No specific help is available for this organ type.

   Development Information: The pineal gland organ type was created by Lost

Souls; the source code was last updated Tue Mar 15 02:22:30 2016.