First Discordian Play

From LSWiki

The script below is the first fully procedurally-generated dramatic script in the history of the universe made entirely using random words and rhyme-scheme-based selections from the Discordian Quotes File, plus names courtesy of the Lost Souls name generation code and drama role title support.

Watch Susceptible, Drink: Pineal 000 Alligators Wives
by Keunga Tryutor-bok

ACT I

SCENE I

    Enter NOLNETHO, SQUIRE GALANELI, HARLDOGORD, and FRIRGOGRATA
                      
FRIRGOGRATA

    Filbert.  Hosiery.  Tiffin.  Longitudinal.  Crust.  Marginal.  Convalescence.  Suture.
                        
    Enter GUGRAMIE

GUGRAMIE

    Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."

SQUIRE GALANELI

    [To GUGRAMIE] Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.

    Enter Zaaszibvorkrum

Zaaszibvorkrum

    [To GUGRAMIE] Now how the fuck does a quote like THAT get in the list?

    There is no "I" in "team", but then again there isn't a "Z" in "xenophobia", so go figure.

GUGRAMIE

    This is what it is to be human: to persist.

Zaaszibvorkrum

    Who would shit on a flag made of shit?  It would be an empty gesture!

NOLNETHO

    You have your way.  I have my way.  As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.

SQUIRE GALANELI

    Garfield, let's think nice thoughts today.  I'm floating on a cloud.  I'm barbecuing a small woodland creature.

HARLDOGORD

    It is better to be a pleasantly surprised pessimist than a bitterly disappointed optimist.
    We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
                        
SQUIRE GALANELI

    [To FRIGOGRATA] Of course it belongs to me, I'm a communist.

    [To NOLNETHO] How do you make a cat go moo?  Ask it "Does a dog have the Buddha-nature?"

    Yo-Yo Ma?  You work for the cellist?
                        
NOLNETHO
                      
    We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night of no small expenditure.

Zaaszibvorkrum

    I've got an overload of bottomless thought right here in my left fist.

    Exeunt