Discordian Hymnbook

From LSWiki

Description

a Discordian hymnbook.

You see nothing like that on the Discordian hymnbook.

This flimsy document is the Discordian hymnbook.  Discordians generally aren't real big on hymns; there are only five
pages in the thing, and the last one looks like it was recently stapled on.  You appraise it at eighty-seven gold.  
It looks about a twentieth of a dimin long, two and a tenth dimins wide, and two and nineteen twentieths dimins tall.
It weighs about twenty-seven two-hundredths of a dekan.

There are five (Hail Eris!) hymns in the book.  To read one, use 'read hymn <number>; to sing one, use 'sing hymn <number>'.
Keeping the Discordian hymnbook costs six keep points.  The Discordian hymnbook was created by Chaos, who wishes to credit
Robert Anton Wilson and Kerry Thornley as inspiring this work; the source code was last updated Sun Nov 20 19:42:33 2016.
The material paper was created by Lost Souls; the source code was last updated Tue Mar 15 02:18:43 2016.

Text

This one is entitled "The Battle Hymn of the Eristocracy".
Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of the Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of the Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;
So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
For the Apple Hera offered Paris all the wealth she could;
Athena promised that his enemies' bodies would be strewed;
But Aphrodite offered Helen -- and EVERYONE got screwed!
Her Apple Corps is strong!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Grand (and gory) old Discordia!
Her Apple Corps is strong!

This hymn is simply titled "An Erisian Hymn".
Onward Christian Soldiers,
Onward Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffft!

This isn't so much a song as a chant, but what the hell.
RUB-A-DUB-DUB
O!  Hail Eris.  Blessed St. Hung Mung.
SYA-DASTI
O!  Hail Eris.  Blessed St. Mo-jo.
SYA-DAVAK-TAVYA
O!  Hail Eris.  Blessed St. Zara-thud.
SYA-DASTI SYA-NASTI
O!  Hail Eris.  Blessed St. Elder Mal.
SYA-DASTI KAVAK-TAV-YASKA
O!  Hail Eris.  Blessed St. Gu-lik.
SYA-DASTI, SYA-NASTI, SYA-DAVAK-TAV-YASKA
O!  Hail Eris.  All Hail Dis-cord-ia.
RUB-A-DUB-DUB

This little piece of work has no title, but is signed
   "Written by Nyles in a fit of strangeness."
Chaos is my first name,
It's C H A O S,
Discordia is my last name,
I just can't spell that mess
I bless you when I feel good,
Or 'dis' you when I'm pissed,
Ignore you when I'm coding,
It's hard work to bring you this
So when you see my cultists,
Don't run or eat your hat,
Just treat them very nicely,
And they won't squash you flat

The top of the page reads "Heresy", Nine Inch Nails, _The Downward Spiral_.
he sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see
he tries to tell me what i put inside of me
he's got the answers to ease my curiousity
he dreamed a god up and called it christianity
god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there
he flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line
he made a virus that would kill off all the swine
his perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain
demands devotion -- atrocities done in his name
god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there
your god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i'll see you there

Relevant Skills

skills gained when read for first time go here